When In Hell...
by Eve6
Summary: This is a crossover of books (GWTW) tv shows (x:wp) and the creativity of two bored losers... this is the teaser... there are many more people than just those mentioned... r/r!
1. Default Chapter Title

When In Hell.

Dead Rhett woke up and rubbed his eyes. He was extraodinarily hot. The first

thing he noticed was the many steaming fiscures and lava pits surrounding him. 

He jerked up and stared with horror at the trappings of Hell. This wasn't the

way it was supposed to be! Where was Scarlett? One thing he knew, he didn't

belong here.

In another corner of Hell, a blonde woman garbed in all black opened her eyes

to see the last woman she would want to. The woman approached her and

exclaimed, "Oh Hudson! Where are we? How did we get here? All I remember is a

vague image of a guy with green wings and some other guy with white stuff on his

arms."

"Kill me."

"What was that?" the woman asked, not having heard her mutterings.

"Oh I was just wondering if we are dead, Shannon, " Hudson said getting to her

feet, speaking in a voice filled with false concern and a trace of pretense.

"Oh!" Shannon gasped. "Then I might not ever see Nicole again!"

"Look, I'm sure your sister is really worried about you."

"No, you don't understand, you couldn't. Ever since we were little, she's

been trying to get all kinds of attention and steal all the cute guys that I

like from me." As she spoke a tear trickled down her cheek.

A/N: A wonderful masterpiece by J this is the teaser we're tryin to draw you in


	2. Default Chapter Title

The two women weren't aware of the squinty eyed lady glaring at the two of them

from the shadows between the crevaces of the rock walls. "Oh, Hudson," she was

muttering, "You thought you could take my boy from me? No one in all of

pagandom has ever dared; you'll need some panacea for what I'll do to you. You

think my furunculosis can keep me from tannin' yo' pimply hiney, you're dead

wrong! You're dealing with Ms Jakcllyn Jakcllyn!" Jakcllyn quietly picked up a

large rock and poised to throw.

In the direct center of Hell, a young looking man with intense black eyes and

white feathers adorning his arms paced back and forth. He had dark intelligent

eyebrows and his mouth was curled in a smile. He sat down on his throne of dark

obsidian as several groundhog creatures dressed in tutus and ballerina ensemble

gathered around him. They were about waist high now.

The feathered man spoke," Ah, my dearest Splinter Spawn, you were created for a

purpose. Although you have already provided me a soul." he motioned to a cage

behind him in which a human sized wizened rat lay on the rough stone floor

wheezing uncomfortably. "But your real purpose is finally at hand." The

Splinter Spawn shuffled forward, eyes gleaming, eager to please their lord. He

bent toward them, eyes alight with malice, outlined their duties.

Upon hearing his plans the Spawn dashed off to perform. They returned swiftly

carrying the form of a small dog.

"He had just entered your dominion, Lord Swan," squeeked a Spawn. The dog

raised his head.

"Swan!" he yelled and leapt from the arms of the Spawn, looking frantically

around for an exit. "Whoa, how'd I do that?"

"What? Speak? Ahahaha, Eddie my boy, don't you remember the doctors?" Swan

replied, greatly enjoying himself.

"I-I didn't mean to! I did it for Daphne!" The small dog said.

"Well, it was done none the less and here you are at my feet ready to do my

bidding."

"Your bidding? Never!" Eddie spat venomously. "You're the last person I'd

ever want to serve!"

"Ah, I was hoping you'd put up a fight, a sign of great potential," as Swan

finished he grasped the air and began to squeeze it. As he did this Eddie

collapsed in a heap and sputtered,

"What did you do to me?"

"Eddie, you should make sure you know what you're signing up for before you

jump in. I do hope Daphne enjoyed your sacrifice. Have you had enough?" Eddie

continued rolling over and over, convulsing in agony. He managed to say in a

hoarse voice

"You'll-have-to kill me-..."

"Yes and that would be a shame to waste such talent. I wonder if my friend

Niles could persuade you?" And Swan waved his hand to reveal a window in which Daphne and her true love Niles were smiling and holding hands. "Thanks to your sacrifice," Swan continued," I cannot harm Daphne. That doesn't mean I can't make her

miserable. NOW! What is your answer?"

"I-I'll do it, but let Daphne be happy..." Eddie trailed off, eyes closed.

Eddie wandered around corridors of tall jagged rocks, dodging pillars of steam. 

The weight of his task fell heavily on his heart. As he turned another corner,

he nearly bumped into a rabbit falling from thin air down to the ground. He was

small and fierce with blood stains on his unruly fur.

"What is this? Demanded the rabbit. "Where have I been taken?" Eddie,

slightly stunned, but supposing weird things were common in hell, replied,

"Swan has summoned you to hell."

"Swan himself? Impossible! He is only king of hell for humans. How can I

have ended up here? In fact, how am I able to speak like them?"

"Like who? Humans? You may not be a human physically but your human qualities

allowed you to be brought here."

"I am nothing like them! I wish I could spill th blood of every human being

for the horrors they've inflicted on my beloved grandfather! If you were a

human you would by dead already!"

"Is that so," Eddie said mildly. "Your feelings of betrayal, killing for

revenge, love are human emotions. You've become everything you despise."

"That is NOT TRUE! I do all I do for him! Not to be human-like! I should

kill you! Frederick wil have his vengeance!" Tears glistened in his eyes. 

Rabbits don't cry. His breath was heavy and shaking as he turned to see...

A/N: So J has a fear of swans yeah she was attacked and it was not pretty and that's why it's Swan


	3. Default Chapter Title

Lilian didn't remember her death, or even her real name. All she knew was she

had been called Lilian, three guys swarming around her laughing, and a few other

scattered images of a man with dark eyebrows smiling at her. She smiled

foolishly and laughed, revealing the utter moronacy of her character. Her

madness had not left her even in death. She began to walk around, swerving in

circles, drooling, and muttering about Elvis and Ares. All of a sudden she saw

a streak of fur mixed with red racing towards her, claws curled and teeth bared,

madness glinting in his eyes. Close behind was a small dog screaming, "No! 

Frederick, NO!"

Just as the rabbit reached her feet, the dog leapt on him and wrestled him

away. Lilian didn't know waht to do, so she stumble on out of view down the

corridor.

She soon saw two women near the end of the tunnel and a figure crouching in the

darkness near them. As Lilian neared she saw the figure had a rock and was

ready to throw.

Lilian began sputtering and laughing wildly just as the rock was released from

the throw. One of the women heard her and turned around. The rock narrowly

missed her head and struck the second woman in the gut. The blonde woman

stiffled a smile and said, "Oh heavens, Shannon are you alright?" Shannon

nodded and Hudson turned to see Jakcllyn scuffle away deeper into hell. Lilian

was still there, laughing madly, her eyes slightly glowed red.

Around that time Swan was expecting his last two guest, two girls from Chicago. 

The first was sucked out of her english class where one boy was in the middle of

saying, "I said grandma not Diana!" and everyone else was leaning farther away

and looked frightened. She ended up head over heels at the foot of a dark

throne.

"Wow, this is surprisingly nostalgic. It's like when I was swept down the

current of this river in Texas," she was saying as she got up. "Whoa! Where'd

my english class go?-OH my god a SWAN! Ahhhhhhh!!!!"

She was silenced by a wing-like hand clamped over her mouth.

"Your friend should be arriving shortly. I understand she has a deathly fear

of swans. So nice of her to remember that little visit we had in Texas. I'll

release you if you answer my questions." The girl nodded from under the white

feathers. He let go and she sprang back, facing him. 'What is your name?"

"Hanzacalafradialisticexialedocious."

` "Sorry I asked. And your friend? I never got to ask her name in all the

hustle and bustle of attacking-" Suddenly before Swan could finish a brown

haired girl fell from thin air and hit the floor face down.

"Nevermind," Swan said ressuming where he left off, "I'll ask her myself." 

Hanzacala dashed quickly over to the girl's side and tried to prompt her to run

before Swan reached them, but the girl as soon as her head was raised saw a

large swan and screamed in utter terror as she fell backwards and clawed her way

on all fours to get away along with Hanza.

The Swan suddenly reappeared in front of them both. The screaming increased as

the girls changed direction and continued their attempt at impossible escape. 

Swan merely reappeared again blocking them into a corner.

"Now that you can run no further," Swan said placidly,"I have the pleasure of

asking for your name. Answer and I will assume a less..shall we say frightening

form. Now, what is your name?"

"Jae! My name is J!" Her eyes were shut hard, face near the wall. Through

her eyelids she saw a bright flash. When she opened her eyes she saw standing

where the swan had been a man dressed in red and white, still with a few

decorative feathers adorning his arms. His features greatly resembled the swan

but he was now a man. As Jae sat scrunched against the wall, she noticed that

Hanza was no longer next to her. Her eyes darted past the man and saw her being

swallowed by the floor which was growing up into walls around her.

"NO! Let her go!" Jae screamed running over, trying to clamber up over the

fast growing rocks.

"Help! I'm trapped!" Hanza screamed.

"More and more like Sinbad, girl. Hang on I'm trying!" Jae was scrambling up

over the steep sides of the rocks reaching out to Hanza's outreached hands from

the small opening in the top. As soon as they grabbed each other's fingers the

rocks vanished and they both fell hard onto the floor. "Hanza dear, why aren't

we in school right now?"

"We're not in school! High 5! Darme cinco!"

"Yes!!! Do the tree gag!"

"Ladies," Swan began, walking over to them, " You are on a field trip to Hell. 

I hope you enjoy your stay." He smiled malevolently.

"You're the Devil!" Hanza screamed rising to her feet.

"You have a talent for stating the obvious."

"Hey!" Jae yelled, also rising, "I wrote that for our Sinbad play! Don't

infringe on my copywrights!"

"I'm the Devil, darlings. It's what I do...I will leave you alone and let you

return to earth, to a party not school, if..." Hanza and Jae exchanged looks.

"What should we do?" Hanza asked in a hushed whisper.

"I don't know? He's a swan! We can't trust his kind!"

"You moron! Of course we can't trust him! He's the devil!"

"Ya know," Jae said in a peeved whisper, "if you had been through what I have

with swans-"

"Look little missy, I was sucked into the floor and swept down a raging river

in Texas, and am appendicitis-less!"

"Little missy? You're the short one, and besides I am toncil-less, and now 2

swan attackings, 2 fire ant attackings, a mad bear on a rampage-"

"Ahem, ladies?" Swan interjected. "My offer?"

"Yes?" Jae asked until Hanza began frantically waving her hands in her face and

she had to bat them away. "What? Whaaaat???"

"We don't want to hear his offer!"

"What?"

"Swan! Devil! Lucifer!"

"OH! Do you know Lucifer, Swan? He was on Xena two weeks ago!" Jae exclaimed.

"I *am* Lucifer."

"No you're not! He's way cuter-"

"Girl! Do you want another appointement with Mr Swan?"

"NOOO!" she shrank back.

"Well, my offer-" Swan broke off as Hanza began singing loudly and off key

'David Duchovney why won't you love me' with her fingers in her ears until

smacked upside the head by J who said to her, "Either we listen or Swan."

"Oh, alright then."

"My offer is that you both find two souls down here in Hell. You get them to

admit their past deeds and commit one more sin. If you two do that, you are

released from my dominion. If not, you stay here forever. Doomed to

everlasting Swan attacks."

"Ok."

"Ok? Hanza, are you out of your blame-cotton-pickin-mind?"

"Well J, I ain't too keen on Swan attacks for all eternity."

"Mmm, yeah. Alright devil-boy, we'll do whatever it takes to get the hell

outta hell." A devlish grin appeared on his face and a contract appeared out of

nowhere.

"Fraid not, sugar. Those'll never work on us. Too much small print." The

contract vanished and Swan smiled again.

"I knew I made the right choice with you two. I have no doubt you two will be

able to complete your task." With a sudden wave of his hand Jae and

Hanzacalafradalisticexpialedocious reappeared in another sector of hell.

They were in a dimly lit tunnel, far away from Swan.

"Jae!" Hanza said, utterly depressed.

"What?"

"How are we gonna do this?"

"Well we can't do what he wants," Jae said determinedly.

"Why not? It'll get us out of hell."

"No it won't. We'll be sinning by doing this and thereby condemning our

souls."

"Well, how are we gonna get out then?"

"I don't know. We've gotta think on this one."

"Damn. That ain't one of my strong points. If only we were in school...Ahhhh! 

Did I just say that???"

"I think we might have to get righteous."

"What? Us? Well, if you can Jae, I can. After all, you took another year of

orchestra past he requirement."

"Hey! It was a fit of madness!"

"Earlier, you said 'a fit of righteousness'."

"Must we get picky? They're the same thing, Hanz."

"Hmmmmm, that gives me an idea," Hanza said rubbing her chin.

"What?"

"I don't know, that just sounded smart."

"You're a genius!"

"I am?"

"Yes! That's a brilliant idea!" Jae said enthusiastically.

"No, no, Jae, there was no idea," Hanza said very slowly. "I was just-"

"Moron. Lemme break it down for you: Your moronness gave *ME* an idea."

"High 5! We make a great team!" Hanza yelled jumping about like an epileptic

monkey.

"If only Lindsey were here."

"You want Lindsey in hell?"

"Oh, no. I mean for JHL Theater Productions."

"Yeah, well. What's your idea?"

***

A/N: hehe nice part huh? We're in it 


	4. Default Chapter Title

Dead Rhett was ambling down a corridor of hell, rifle over his shoulder when he

saw two girls down the tunnel. He dashed forward to them. "Don't worry! I am

here now," he said, hands on their shoulders, rifle hanging from his back.

"What are you?" Hanza began.

"Hush don't speak! I'll take care of you womenfolk in this dark unknown place. 

Stick close to

me!"

"What? NO, no you see we're-" Jae started.

"Ahem, Jae? Your plan?"

"Ah! Is he one of the souls?"

"What in the tarnation are you females blabbin' about?" Rhett interjected.

"Hey, Swan!" Hanza yelled. "We need your services!"

Suddenly in a burst of smoke Swan appeared. "Yes?"

"You's the devil!" Rhett screamed at Swan, fumbling for his rifle. "And you's

the devil's consorts!" he screamed at the two girls. "Back demon! Back!" and

he began firing madly causing no damage whatsoever to the feathered man ahead of

him.

"Stop that, sir. You may keep your weapon, but cease your fruitless fire."

Rhett was so stunned he just stood there. "Now girls, how may I be of

assistance?"

"We need a list and the backgrounds of all the souls you sish us to...do

buisiness with," Hanza

explained.

Rhett suddenly began charging Swan, but before he reached him Swan said," I

will send what you have asked for," and disappeared right before he was impaled

on the end of Rhett's gun. Shocked, Rhett skidded to a halt, turned wildly and

accosted Jae and Hanza.

"You two is in with the devil! You're swan worshippers!!!"

"It would appear as such," Hanza said illusively.

"Appeey-ah? What kinda crazy talk is that? I just saw you femmes conversin'

with the devil!!!"

"Hey, listen up," Jae said. "We need your name and the last things you

remember, otherwise we will all be doomed to hell for eternity."

"But I just..." Rhett mumbled. "It don't make any sense."

Then, astonishingly, a small green backpack appeared mid-air and fell between

Hanza and Jae. Inside was a folder...

A/N: as soon as J ("Jae") writes more then you'll get it!


End file.
